SCIENCE

My friend is a science teacher and she recently schooled me over the Werri Bowlo drink du jeur... the 'Goon Sunrise'. Served in a carafe. Classy.

Anywho - she explained to me why the sky was blue (sounds simple... but for serious - it's all about rainbow prisms and light refraction). Then told me I was smarter than a ninth grader, which made me happy.

Although she did freak me out by telling me:

• The sun WILL die.
• They have found a plant in another galaxy just like earth but without oxygen.
• Pluto isn't a planet anymore because it went in front of something which means it wasn't orbiting and thus can't be a planet (I knew this already, but the fact it was all because the NASA people were like, "Wait a sec, what's Pluto doing? Whoops... my bad.").

I asked if there could be another earth with 'other world' us people running around. Like Fringe, where there is another dimension and the 'there's two of everything' theory, where (like Sliding Doors) our alter-universe selves have made different choices and thus, are different people - but still us! And if you met yourself the universe would implode (much like Marty McFly in Back to the Future)

*This is where Marty meets him mum back in the day. He'd be his own dad if he tapped it. (Did I go there!?)

My friend then told me I had no understanding of science and should perhaps go buy another carafe.

DEADLINE

So, I’m officially off deadline at work… which feels like the last day of Rydell High for my brain.

Because my deadline has turned into a flat line… I’m keeping it simple and sharing my two fav recent finds on Urbandictionary.com:

IMMACULATE CONGESTION:
When traffic is backed up for miles on a highway, crawling along -- and then suddenly everyone returns to normal high speeds without passing an accident, stalled car, or road construction.

VERBAL HANDCUFFS:
When someone won't stop talking (usually about a subject you have no interest in). The talker has verbally forced you to stand there and listen, even though you have given many clues that you have checked out. Examples: vacant stares, looking at your watch, checking your phone, answering in short one word phrases.

Brilliant!

LIFE ADVICE

Here is some valuable life advice for you beautiful people:

Don't drink and iTune

I was like this guy, but exchange the death-vice grip for the beer with a death-vice grip on my iPhone...

I'm trying this new thing where I trick myself into thinking I'm an awesome morning person. Those who unfortunately have encountered me post-alarm know that Dawn/Shaun of the Dead was based on a true story... that being me in the early AM.

Me, on my daily commute to work. 8:15AM.

So I'm trying to start a 'Morning Playlist' on my Pod which will be full of heaps upbeat songs.

My spiritual friend told me, "Manifest... something something... universe.... something something."

So I'm taking her advice so when you head to your nearest pier (circa dawn) I'll be doing these ones:

So with my cocktail blanket on and a 15-minute cab ride home I got to work on my playlist.

When I woke up I hit play and realised I'd bought the entire 'Good Morning Vietnam' soundtrack.

So basically a war movie playlist.

Don't drink and iTune.

FLU SHOT

Today, I got the flu shot.

Work seems to be looking out for us (read: trying to save money by decreasing sick leave) so a few of us booked in for a jab.

I’m not good with needles at the best of times and even though the nurse was super lovely… she was waving the needle around like Betty Draper with a ciggie.

The logic of flu shots is lost on me. Mainly because I have no understanding of the human body, but also because they’re putting the flu IN us.
This, of course, got me thinking that perhaps our company has sold us off to science and we were injected with some sweet superpower serum.

I can see it now. As I board the train to snooze-ville, all my ventricles and synapses and other smart science words start to mutate and I wake up with some sweet powers.

You know the superhero drill. I’ll go to turn off my alarm and accidentally smash the clock because I’ve now got super-human strength… then I’ll go to sit up and crash through my wall because the serum opened a can of whoop-ass on my muscle memory.

Oh, and I now also look like this:

*Minus the gloves.

Free flu shot = potentially the greatest thing ever!

THE BIRDS

Ahhhhh, childhood movies.

Sometimes, when I see an exceptionally fluffy Labrador I think of this guy:

And if I happen to come across a green field, I am partial to a little twirling... Dame Julie Andrew's style:

But there is one movie I wish I'd never seen.

The. Birds.

I was super young when I first saw it - which means the story, characters, beginning, middle and end are lost on me. But I do remember a shyte load of birds attacking a woman.

Keeping in mind that I too am a woman, I felt particularly vulnerable when I arrived home today and found this in my courtyard:

It may not look it - but I was totally surrounded. They were organised I tells ya!

My friend's mum told me it's important to have an empty ice cream container on your persons so if an excess amount of birds present themselves, they'd be put off swooping at your brain. I never forgot this advice and thus, to take the above photo I grabbed this:

Parentals... don't expose your kiddies to psychologically damaging movies. Youngsters are like sponges you know. Or maybe it's kids brains are like sponges? I know a babies skull is like a sponge, but that's when they can't even hold their own neck up. Or something.

SUPERMARKET SWEEP

Today, I needed some bread so I hauled-ass to my local supermarket.

I head to the bread aisle and BOOM, all of a sudden I am in the moshiest of mosh pits.

What is happening here?

Directly opposite is - the Easter egg section *queue foreboding music*.

*How wicked-hot are this dude's mutton chops

So many people are grabbing for the last morsels of chocolaty goodness, clambering over each other, kids crying, parents all strung-out, diabetics sweating it out at a distance... it was like the Boxing Day sales, but not on the TV... on my eyes.

Anywho, I headed on over to the self-swiping checkouts and this kind of A.I freaks the frack out of me. The whole robots replacing humans thing... plus they say* in only a few years we'll all be micro chipped and when we want to pay at the s'market we're the ones who get scanned... BY ROBOTS!

*I think.

So, as a public service announcement, to avoid feeling like you've rolled the Jumanji dice (STAMPEDE!) - stay away from the shops today.

Oh, and to add to the crap salad that was my lunch... I got stuck behind this dude for ten minutes on the way home...

Happy Easter peoples. xx

WHY I LIKE WHAT I LIKE

About 4 months ago, a rubbish case of the flu lead me to smashing LOST seasons 1-5. I knew it was about some really good-looking peeps who had crashed on and island, but that was about it.

Now, I'm totally Comic-Con for it. I'd love to say that (being a writer) it's because the dialogue, character arcs and plot twists are so deliciously planned and executed... but it's mainly because it's like crack and I'm addicted.

I'm trying to get my friends involved by planning a LOST drinking game night, where we'd watch season 1 and all have to drink whenever anyone on the show says, "Island"... which would probably lead to this:

My sci-fi side will inevitably pour out of me from time to time. I'm not into aliens but I do love me some time travelling and super powers.

Yes. I am that girl.

The one who, when she hears a Cher song, tilts her head to one side and says, "Perhaps you can turn back time Cher!"

So there you have it. Consider yourself warned - I will nerd-up from time-to-time.

THE ONE BEFORE THE ONE

So I tried to set up this Google Analytics thingamie and so far all it’s telling me is that I’ve had one hit, which was me, checking if the blog worked (it does). I know this doesn’t make for a riveting post, but I am trying to get one of those sweet archive thingies.
Meanwhile, my first proper post is going to be about LOST.
You’re excited, I can tell. And by you, I mean the one person that has viewed this blog.

Which is actually me… whoa…VORTEX!!

So, I'm told I have to admit when pics aren't mine, and here it is... I didn't take this photo. And if it was mine that'd mean Matthew Fox was in my jungle garden - which'd mean I would not have time to write a blog... because I'd have a Matthew Fox in my jungle garden.

Credit: Peggy Sirota